by Jeff Sovern
The following is an excerpt from an email by a financial institution lobbyist to a Senator:
Senator, we would appreciate it if you would propose the following laws concerning the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau:
Bar the Bureau from issuing any new rules until the latest of:
A. The Rapture
B. Spiderman opens on Broadway
C. The end of the NFL lockout
D. The end of time
Provide that rules issued by the Bureau can be overruled by any of the following:
A. Bernie Madoff
B. Simon Cowell
C. Banks
D. Anybody
Bar Elizabeth Warren from serving as director of the Bureau unless
A. She admits that she made a recommendation to attorneys general, as critics charge, rather than giving advice, as she has acknowledged.
B. She agrees to protect financial institutions rather than consumers.
C. She seems likely to win the Senate election in Massachusetts unless she serves as director.
D. She can provide a copy of her birth certificate showing that she was never born.
Replace the director of the Bureau with:
A. The creative team for the Spiderman musical.
B. The New York State legislature.
C. A five member Commission, each of whom believes in a different religion, including one who worships Mammon.
D. No one.
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